I haven't written in a week, and it feels like the whole world has changed in that time. I touched on why last Saturday - at least the tip of the why iceburg. The protests I mentioned began after the murder of George Floyd - a black man who was suspected of trying to use a fake $20 bill. The officers arresting him kneeled on his neck and cut off his air supply until he died.
The part that guts me the most is that he was calling out for his mom as it was happening. It breaks my heart. My boys - if you read this some day, I tried to hold back the details of what happened when we talked about the protests and misguided people who don't like others who have a different color skin than them. I didn't want you to fear the police, as they are supposed to protect you, and I hope that by the time you are adults, a better system will be figured out to weed out the bad ones. I also wasn't sure that you should yet know how ugly this world can be. You still have so much wonder and adoration in your hearts and I don't want you to be afraid to step into the world with all the amazing things you have to offer it. It's so hard to know what to protect you from and what to prepare you for as you get older. It's not quite as simple as when you were toddlers and everything but Mickey Mouse and Cheerios was off limits. I hope that whenever you read this, our discussions about kindness, acceptance, and understanding have continued, and that learning the details now helps you see why they've had to. As privileged white Americans, we have a job to do for the minorities of this country - even in the middle of a pandemic.Henry and I are currently soaking in the morning from our patio swing - watching birds, enjoying the quiet, and breathing in the fresh, dewy air. He told me this morning that he loves to look out his window on summer mornings to see if I'm having my coffee alone on my swing, calling out to "my bird" (which is a chickadee). Summer feels like it's arrived ahead of the solstice, and I'm looking forward to many mornings like this one. H is snuggled up on my side and I looked over at him and said, "I love your freckles, they're the best." He smiled and said, "Your love is the best!" See? Sweet boy. Your heart isn't quite ready for the world, and as much as it needs it, I'm not sure it deserves it. We still have work to do.
The virus has been a little less aggressive lately, but we're not sure if that will last. The weather has probably helped numbers go down, but the effects of all the protests are about 10 days from showing themselves. We will see. We're hoping to get some sort of summer experience eventually. Things are loosening just slightly for us - we're still more careful than most, and I still don't quite feel ready for this. Some things have needed taken care of, though. We have to go pick up Matt's car shortly (he needed new brakes and tires) and Galli has to go in for an allergy shot after that. They both make me nervous. Even so, I'm considering allowing some takeout ice cream for the last day of school.
Speaking of - we only have 5 days left. The last of which will likely only be last day pictures and the teacher parade. It should be an easy week of tying up loose ends. I'm not sure what life will look like after that. Lots of good weather, though, I hope. There are so many questions to answer, so many unknowns to navigate, and so many hard decisions to consider. Life has never looked quite like this before.
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